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Signs of Abuse

Signs of Abuse

What is abuse?

Abuse takes many forms. It can include someone hitting their partner, sexual abuse, controlling their partner’s money or behaviour, controlling them emotionally, or coercive control. 

Coercive control is behaviour by a current or former partner or family member that makes someone fear they will be physically harmed, causes their mental health to decline, or causes the victim such distress that their day-to-day activities are negatively affected. 

More than one type of abuse can happen at the same time. It may be a single act or a series of acts forming a pattern. 

Children and young people may be harmed by being exposed to abuse in adult relationships, being the direct victims of violence, or both.

Abuse is also called family violence, domestic violence, or intimate partner violence.

Types of abuse

In an abusive relationship, there may be:

Psychological or emotional abuse, including:

  • Controlling someone
  • Threats to harm children or family, a pet, or belongings
  • Damage to belongings
  • Hurting or killing pets
  • Keeping someone from having control over their own money or from making their own decisions
  • Following or stalking a person
  • Bullying or picking on someone
  • Online harassment
  • Taking someone’s phone, or reading their emails and text messages
  • Lying about someone to their pastor or imam or rabbi
  • Gaslighting
  • Embarrassing someone on purpose

Verbal abuse, including:

  • Yelling and screaming
  • Name-calling
  • Making threats
  • Criticizing

Physical abuse, including:

  • Pushing
  • Hitting
  • Punching
  • Choking/strangling
  • Kicking
  • Biting
  • Forced confinement (not letting someone leave)
  • Keeping someone from having things they need, like food
  • Trying to physically abuse someone

Sexual abuse, including:

  • Unwanted sexual touching
  • Forcing someone to have sex
  • Unwanted violence during sex, such as choking a person without their consent
  • Trying to sexually abuse someone

Is it abuse?

Most couples argue from time to time, but there is a difference between having a disagreement and being afraid of your partner. When fear becomes part of the relationship, it can be a sign of abuse.

It could be abuse if:

Your partner:

  • Gets jealous when others are around
  • Destroys, or threatens to destroy, your possessions
  • Uses put-downs, name-calling, or threats
  • Makes you choose between your friends/family and your partner
  • Blames you when things go wrong
  • Pushes you
  • Hits you
  • Threatens to take your children
  • Hits the walls
  • Yells at you
  • Harms, or threatens to harm, your pet
  • Threatens to harm your family members or friends
  • Threatens suicide or self-harm

You feel you have to:

  • Ask permission to spend money or go out
  • Take the blame when things go wrong
  • “Make things right” just for your partner
  • Do what your partner wants
  • Make excuses for your partner’s behaviour

You feel:

  • Afraid to make decisions for fear of your partner’s reaction or anger
  • Isolated from friends, family, and activities
  • Afraid to express your own opinions or say “no”
  • Afraid to leave your partner